ADVICE FOR THE CHILDREN:

1. Keep pants on at all times. I cannot stress this enough. This goes for males and females. This tip has two interperatations: a) don't remove another persons clothes unless you know them; b) don't run down the street with no pants on.

2. Read. Everything.

3. Laugh

4. It's the journey, not the destination.

5. Never tell someone you love them. It hurts too much.

6. Always tell people you love them. You never know when they're gonna be gone.

7. Learn an instrument.

8. There are much more interesting things than reality television. Like reality.

9. Dress in what you like, not what others think you should wear. Dress for comfort.

10. Take an interest in your countries politics. You will need it. Learn before you need the information. I know American's don't like this, and I don't blame them.

11. Your life is not an action movie. Not all problems can be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies. We don't all have high paying jobs. Or drive sports cars. Women don't always wear tight clothes, and not all men carry handguns. And life shouldn't be glamourous, thrill packed, and filled with applause.

12. If you're playing hide and seek with a sumo, never hide in a beanbag.

13. You have the right to free speech. Use it.

14. Don't be misogynistic.

15. Don't be racist.

16. Don't be homophobic.

17. Laugh. Often.

18. Help people who aren't as well off as you.

19. Get a job.

20. Have friends that you enjoy spending time with.

21. Under no circumstances should you watch Friends. This is a slightly more important variation of number 11.

22. Always remember that life is too important to take seriously!

23. It's often easier to get forgivness than permission.

24. Learn to overcome - or at least come to terms with - grief and hardship. Don't whinge about it.

25. What harm can a counsellor or psychaiatrist do?

26. Only call something "My Prerogative if a) you know what it means, and b) you have a sense of irony.

27. Do not count to two, unless you are then proceeding to three.

28. Take your anger out on something occasionally. You cannot keep it bottled up, or you are going to kill someone one day.

29. Talk to your parents. I understand this sounds weird, but if anyone is going to help you when you're in trouble, it's gonna be your parents. Whether they hate you or not.

30. If you're gonna dine with cannibals, sooner or later you're gonna get eaten.

31. Eat and sleep when you need to. Stay healthy.

32. Read comics. I recommend Calvin & Hobbes, or Peanuts. Their insight is often alarmingly clear.

33. If you're on a date with a born again christian, and it's a first date, never mention your interest in bestiality.

34. Never point out someone's faults. Not when you can poison them.

35. Australian/American Idol is no more than a nationally televised, prime-time, KARAOKE competition.